Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
