If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
50% drunk capacity currently
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
