wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
