how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize