My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize