non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
