what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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