Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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