I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
