I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
