i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
