my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
