He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
