I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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