No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
