My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
