So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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