Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
