i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
