There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
