Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize