Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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