I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
