I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Small penises have feelings too.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
