i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
