My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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