The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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