Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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