Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize