She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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