a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
