are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
