I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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