We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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