she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
