I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
