Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
