Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
