I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ate ashes out of my bong
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
