I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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