Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My life is pants optional.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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