When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
