i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I forgot wine drunk hurts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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