it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
