I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
