you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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