He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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