I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
