my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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