i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
