you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Green mimosas i think yes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
