So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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