Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
