I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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