She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
