This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
