so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
