I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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