There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
