your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Enjoy the penises
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
