I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
