I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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