She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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