so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
