i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
