so explain again why im purple
no
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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