Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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