How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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