I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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