I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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