his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
