So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize