I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
