I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How external is "for external use only"?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
