i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
