The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize